salam and hi.
i need a platform to express what i feel.
but i'm scared i'll be too annoying.
i'm just tired of living.
but i'm scared to die.
i'm just tired of feeling like a useless piece of shit.
i'm tired of feeling sad all the time.
i'm tired of persuading myself that i'm okay when reality is i'm not
Sunday, October 20, 2019
Sunday, July 7, 2019
self-love
i wanna make this post a special one.
kind of a love letter to whoever out there are struggling with themselves,
feeling less, feeling not good enough, feeling sad, heart broken, wanna disappear from the world,
well,
it's okay to feel all those things,
it's normal,
it's part of life,
part of growing up,
if u don't feel any of those,
when/ how are you going to change?
how are you going to get up and move on?
how are you going to learn and improvised?
and more importantly, how are you going to heal and know your worth?
ive been dealing with a lot of these for the past 3 years and kept on telling myself that there are so many people out there who are unfortunate and yet, still being grateful.
i was mad at myself for not knowing how to control my emotions, my feelings.
well, basically i was (still is) mad for not being honest, not being kind to myself.
so who did this to me? well, most of the part was school and myself.
after finishing form 6, i kinda feel happier. (pls dont tell me "oh wait for uni" cuz i know it's going to hit me like a bus or train or like shipwreck in titanic but pls let me enjoy the moment) at least, most of my days are full with sunshine and rainbows now compare to when i was in school. i do feel sad sometimes, we all do but that's life.
(this made me nervous thinking about uni. idk if i would get accepted by any of them that i applied to, im scared if i don't get one. cuz i literally don't know what to do)
anyways,, i joined this one kelas pengajian fardhu ain and i've learned that Allah Maha Berkehendak, dan apa sahaja yang dikehendakiNya sejak azali, pasti akan berlaku. so redha is the only option. and one more, we can't control things that out of our control. so...serahkan sahaja pada Allah swt. apa yang kita boleh buat, kita buat. tak boleh, takpe la, itu bukan kerja kita.
and yeah, that's one of many things that im trying to learn and comprehend; redha (accepting). -redha is part of self-love too. i believe.
when u redha, u don't question about it anymore, u just know it's fate and move on.
i know it's hard, but i'm trying.
sorry la kalau merapu hahaha
kind of a love letter to whoever out there are struggling with themselves,
feeling less, feeling not good enough, feeling sad, heart broken, wanna disappear from the world,
well,
it's okay to feel all those things,
it's normal,
it's part of life,
part of growing up,
if u don't feel any of those,
when/ how are you going to change?
how are you going to get up and move on?
how are you going to learn and improvised?
and more importantly, how are you going to heal and know your worth?
ive been dealing with a lot of these for the past 3 years and kept on telling myself that there are so many people out there who are unfortunate and yet, still being grateful.
i was mad at myself for not knowing how to control my emotions, my feelings.
well, basically i was (still is) mad for not being honest, not being kind to myself.
so who did this to me? well, most of the part was school and myself.
after finishing form 6, i kinda feel happier. (pls dont tell me "oh wait for uni" cuz i know it's going to hit me like a bus or train or like shipwreck in titanic but pls let me enjoy the moment) at least, most of my days are full with sunshine and rainbows now compare to when i was in school. i do feel sad sometimes, we all do but that's life.
(this made me nervous thinking about uni. idk if i would get accepted by any of them that i applied to, im scared if i don't get one. cuz i literally don't know what to do)
anyways,, i joined this one kelas pengajian fardhu ain and i've learned that Allah Maha Berkehendak, dan apa sahaja yang dikehendakiNya sejak azali, pasti akan berlaku. so redha is the only option. and one more, we can't control things that out of our control. so...serahkan sahaja pada Allah swt. apa yang kita boleh buat, kita buat. tak boleh, takpe la, itu bukan kerja kita.
and yeah, that's one of many things that im trying to learn and comprehend; redha (accepting). -redha is part of self-love too. i believe.
when u redha, u don't question about it anymore, u just know it's fate and move on.
i know it's hard, but i'm trying.
sorry la kalau merapu hahaha
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